If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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