You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
