Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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