So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
