Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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