she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
