Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
