I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
