life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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