I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
