he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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