Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
