need another drink. this is the easiest way
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
