Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
