I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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