I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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