his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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