I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
