the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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