If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently you make a good broom.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize