Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
True but thats because hes a fetus.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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