Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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