it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
