I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
