I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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