R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
