hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize