Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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