if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
