i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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