absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
