I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize