Someone shit on the floor
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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