Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
