He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
