His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
