Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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