i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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