Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
