I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
