I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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