I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
