Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
