No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
