i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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