When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
