That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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