those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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