Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
