Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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