When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
