All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize