god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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