My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
