I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
