As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
