just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
