Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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