i think my tv is drunk
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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