Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
