We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
