Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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