I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
