I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
